As I said in a previous post, I don't like the way some of the things turned out this year at school. It was quite stressful and events ended up stressing out other coworkers as well. I definitely believe it was not a good year. Actually some issues haven't even been resolved yet. Ugh. So, the other day, my ED calls me into his office. He tells me to wait right there. He runs off to my principal and asks, "Do you have 40 seconds?" I could then hear them whispering in the hallway. The next thing I know, I see my ED and my principal come into the office and then shut the door. I caught a glimpse of my contract in my principal's hands. I had signed it awhile ago, but was waiting for my ED to sign it and get it back to me. I thought, "Uh oh. What's wrong?" My principal starts talking about how it was a tough year. There were some tough cases and issues that were not on anyone's radar which ended up being extremely challenging when we tried to resolve them. I thought, "Uh oh. Am I being fired?" After reviewing my contract, they say my base salary is too low for all the work I do. They've had many people come before me, and those teachers do not come close to the hard work I do for the school and students. They want to acknowledge and appreciate my work this year, so they are going to increase my base salary. What? Say that again? They ask me what do I think. I stutter and say, "I-I-I guess that sounds good." Then it happens. Tears start streaming down my face. As I stood there with them, I tell them that this was not a good year and that more could have been done. Through my tears, I say, "I-I-I just don't think I deserve it." Their eyes widen with surprise. "You do deserve it! Great things were accomplished this year! You are your harshest critic! We all wish we could do more! Look at how you stress yourself out!" After some more exchange, I tell them thank you and head back upstairs to my office. My ED, being the funny man that he is, says, "Sorry for making you cry!" My principal runs after me up the stairs. "I just want to tell you that it comforts me to know that you are the one working alongside with me." I could tell that he really wanted to help me believe in myself. I know I have a hard time recognizing my accomplishments and accepting praise. I always feel I could do more and better. I think it stems from growing up believing that whatever you do is never enough. I guess that's a good and bad thing. I just hope that when I have kids, I can not only teach them the importance of ambition and doing their best but also praise and acknowledge their hard work even if things do not turn out right.
Comments (9)
congrats!
You are SO hard on yourself, Joanne. The odd thing is most of the people around you look at you as the person who has it all together, gets it always done, and always gets everything done perfectly. And you are so hard on yourself - your school is SO lucky to have you - I'm glad they recognize what a treasure you are, even if you don't always.
ditto what meg said. you are an inspiration to the people who know you.
reading this post was so fascinating...i have the same issues - that nothing i ever do is good enough and that I can always do more. friends tell me i dont ever give myself enough credit. i also never take complements very well - i tend to downplay them but i've learned to just say thank you. But i think thats why we always try so hard. Wonder what it was in our upbringing that made us feel this way about ourselves cuz i sure as hell hope i dont repeat it. sometimes i wish i can even develop a little ego! we have to learn that its ok to think that we are amazing and we deserve every good thing that comes our way because we've worked really hard for it.
@uluvvy - thanks!
@douglasm - thanks meg!
@eukaryotic - Thanks Elke!
@wanny1234 - it's definitely a cultural thing. yea i hope i don't pass that on to my kids!
You're awesome, so be nice to yourself.
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