March 2, 2010
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Honestly, I didn’t even know there was such a thing until I got to college. Brandeis was where I learned more about Asian American history, the struggles the people have experienced and still experience today in this country, offensive words and phrases such as “Me love you long time” and other such things like having an Asian fetish. I read this in the Boston Metro today, and it reminded me about an experience I had back when I was living in DC.Q: I am an Asian American female, and I am often pursued by non-Asian men. People tell me that there are men who have an “Asian fetish.” How can I tell if those men want to date me because of me or because I’m Asian?”Jonathan Alpert (licensed psychotherapist): Ah, their alluring air of mystery, subservient nature and eagerness to please their men sexually. How every enticing, if only it were true. Some things are a clear giveaway that a guy’s interest is more about satisfying a fetish than getting to know you beyond your ethnicity. If he has a collection of Asian porn, if his Web browser history show things such as “Korean schoolgirls” or “Oriental orgies,” then you’re probably the object of his Asian fetish and should leave him. It’s not always that easy to tell though. Remember, I dated that guy Nick? I met him at a friend’s party in Arlington, and we dated for about 3 months. He always wanted to be in a more serious, committed relationship, but I always refused. He was nice, charming, smart, and just an overall good guy, but there was something about him that I just couldn’t shake off. I don’t like admitting to this. The thing I couldn’t get over was the fact that he was white. I kept thinking to myself, “Does he really like me or does he like me because I’m Asian?” It didn’t help that his previous girlfriend was Asian. I know it sounds silly. He could’ve very well liked me for me, and I did try to make things work for three months, but I just couldn’t let it go. Whenever I reflect on this, I’m saddened that his race bothered me to the point that I couldn’t accept him in that way. Don’t get me wrong though. I’m happily married now to a man who happens to be Asian 
, but I think the experience still kind of haunts me.
Comments (1)
It’s so tricky. Honestly, for non-white folks, I have no problem with someone saying that they would prefer to date someone whose cultural or ethnic background matches their own. If a white person were to say that, though, I would find that somewhat offensive. I don’t know why. I can imagine that dealing with the Asian fetish thing really gets old.
Good think Roger only has a Joanne fetish! Which reminds me, bug him to update his Xanga!